#43 - Advice to my younger self

What I’m Reading

Atomic Habits is probably the book that has the highest value per page I’ve read. It’s super easy to read, digest and most importantly action on. One of those books that I make a point to revisit once in a while and what better time than at the start of the year! There aren’t that many books I put in the ‘must read’ category, but this is one.

Resource of the week

AirTags, (sorry this is only an Apple one, but I’m certain there are alternatives for Android users). As international travel has more or less fully opened again, I will personally be buying these and putting them in my suitcase (which I learnt on TikTok). I’ve always been paranoid about my luggage getting lost and knowing that most airlines aren’t that helpful, it just gives you an extra option.

Quote

“Emotional self-control - delaying gratification and stifling impulsiveness- underlies accomplishment of every sort”

Daniel Goleman - Emotional Intelligence

Thoughts

I often think about the question of what advice I would give to my younger self. By and large, I think I had a decent approach to life, just like many around me, I knew it was important to work hard and set goals for myself. Unfortunately, as time went on and I wasn’t making the progress I had envisioned, I was learning the hard way that this wasn’t enough.

I actually felt lost for a lot of my 20s, I think it’s a very common problem where people are stuck on a path they don’t like but don’t have any direction to find a way out.

I consumed quite a bit of self help stuff at the time trying to find some answers and clarity. The whole goalsetting and visualisation thing were big at the time. I’m sorry to anyone who believes in visualisation, but I think it’s cringe and counterproductive. I distinctly remember a book, I think it was Jack Cranfield, who told the story along the lines of how he photocopied his bank statement and editing it to show a million dollars. (If you swear by visualisation and I’m doing something wrong, I’d love to hear your viewpoint, just hit reply to this newsletter). Don't get me wrong having a vision is important and something I advocate, but I think visualisation in self help is different.

The first thing I realised was that your life trajectory doesn’t just change for the better if you do nothing and hope, you really have to put yourself out there. I started asking myself if I enjoy what I do. The other thing was looking around my circle at people who are further along a similar path and asking if a similar future excites me. Would it at least make me feel content, or am I filled with dread? Remembering to stack the odds in my favour.

For example as an engineer, I was decent, but being pragmatic about it, there was nothing that particularly made me stand out in terms of being able to provide value. Around me, there were tonnes of far smarter, more experienced and more talented engineers. In this case, just using brute force to work harder, and longer would not have created the results I wanted. I was so focused on how to play the game better by making micro adjustments I neglected that I was playing the wrong game to start with.

It’s still a huge learning curve (as it should be) but the thing that made the difference for me was focusing on mindset and identity. So that’s asking myself what kind of person I want to become? What does that person prioritise? How do they approach life?

This almost changed things overnight. One day I decided to sit down and think about exactly what my identity is, my core values and the things that drive me. It gave me so much clarity, some examples: I made the decision that I want to be someone who creates more value than I consume, and I want to be more of a creator and less of a consumer. I am someone who takes all responsibility for outcomes in my life, not to blame anything else, not to dwell, to focus on the next action. The list goes on.

Once I had this in place, I was generally less conflicted in making decisions because I knew what I wanted now. As an example, I used to be a massive car guy, it was a passion of mine but also drained a lot of my time (and money!). I used to try to balance my ventures and career with my hobby, but having done the identity exercise I realise it didn't fit in with my core value and identity. So I cut that aspect out and devoted that energy to my ventures.

Also, a core part of how I approach the projects and work I do is how much value it brings to people, but also how much I enjoy it and the level of fulfilment it gives me. Starting a business or pursuing a non-conventional path is really tough and despite what social media portrays, there are no guarantees even if you do everything right. So learning how to have fun and not deferring happiness to some future date with arbitrary goals has been key for me.

Personally, the hardest of all, psychologically, is definitely accepting the fact that, especially, at the beginning, the vast majority of work I put in will amount to absolutely nothing. It’s very difficult when putting 40, 50, 60+ hours into ventures and it turns out to be a waste of time. Looking at people who are successful, a big part is just staying consistent, incrementally getting better and outlasting the competition. MKBHD is my favourite tech YouTuber and a video I love is his Video 100 update posted 13 years ago. In it he thanks his 74 subscribers which I cannot fathom how he continued to put in all that work to make it beyond 100 videos with seemingly so little to show for it. Today he has over 16 million subscribers. That is pure grind and passion.

As humans we don’t like uncertainties even from back in school we’re conditioned to expect a result when we apply effort to something. Not the case in life.

The silver lining is believing that similar to MKBHD, knowing that if I keep pushing, a few things will gain some traction and to follow the process of being flexible and pushing more in that direction.

So it’s been a rambly newsletter this week but to summarise, the advice I’d give to my younger self:

Take responsibility for your life, change takes effort and putting yourself out there.
Look at the bigger picture are you playing the right game? Don’t get pigeonholed into doing what everyone else is.
What mindset and identity do I resonate with, that I want to use to approach life?
Accepting that having audacious goals means there will be failures.
Accepting there’s no one size fits all path to guarantee success and to get that answer to find yours, there’s no getting around the process of grinding and not expecting anything in return.
Learning to love what I do and the process.

Hans